How Not to Date an Alien by Stephanie Burke
Publisher: Changeling Press
Length: Short Story (80 pgs)
Other: M/F, Spanking
Rating: 5 Cherries
Reviewed by Buttercup
Kilana knows what her eyes are telling her can't be true.
There's a naked man in her bed and he's glowing. And then there are the solid black eyes, the floating several feet above the bed, and the most damning of all... he has antennas.
The newly divorced Kilana thinks she's seeing things, but when he opens his mouth and tells her he's hunting humans and his intentions are to devour her, Kilana knows she has an alien problem.
But who will help her get away from the admittedly sexy creature that wants her pleasured and fattened until her flavor is perfect? Maybe her hair-brained friends Se and Lena can help her avoid the big suppertime cut...
Or maybe she's on her own with the drooling, leering, orgasm-delivering fiend. And maybe dating an alien won't turn out to be as big a problem as she thinks.
The aliens have landed and the hunt is on. Stephanie Burke's How Not to Date an Alien is a comedic gem, not to be missed. A delightful how-to guide detailing the pitfalls of dating an alien, and how best to overcome them. Stephanie Burke has found the perfect balance of comedy and intrigue, and uses both deftly to not only tell an enthralling story, but also to impart such wisdom as: the correct way to count to ten and the simultaneously reassuring and disturbing fact that it is only the Greens who use anal probes.
After a night on the town with her friends Lena and Se, celebrating Kilana's divorce, the last thing Kilana expected to find when she awoke was a strange man in her bed. Or to be more accurate, a strange man with antenna floating above her bed. After her initial disbelief and some hung-over witticisms Kilana reconciles herself to the fact that there is an alien named Valan in her bed that wants to fatter her up and eat her. This starts Kilana on her own Alice like journey, but rather than going down the rabbit hole she enters her own life seeing things as for the first time.
Kilana's journey teaches her some universal truths, like true friends don't care if you're dating an alien, they are just happy your having sex. But do make sure none of the cell phone pictures they take end up on the internet. While it is a bit cliched, it is nonetheless very true, that men are universally the same. Valan might be an alien who pilots a ship with an antimatter rocket and more functions and gadgets than we could possibly imagine, but put him behind the wheel of a car and he is every sixteen year old boy who just got his first car. However, her most important lesson is that communication is key, particularly when dating another species. Sex is all well and good and we should all be so lucky as to find a man that has a vibrating, well everything, but it is really important to know what the other person is talking about especially in such a delicate situation.
Stephanie Burke takes you on a fascinating ride combining the strange and everyday in a unique blend that is all her own. If you have never read her before or if you are a long time fan, pick up a copy of How Not to Date an Alien, you will not be disappointed. After reading this book everyone will be lining up to be hunted by their very own alien.